![]() ![]() It has not worked and she is now supported entirely by her parents. Valdes was never able to replicate the mediocre success of her first book, The Dirty Girls Social Club, and has spent the intervening years trying to chase every book trend to make a living. It was the most Mexican pesos ever advanced to an American author named Valdes-Rodriguez beating the old record of 499,999 pesos set by Betty Valdes-Rodriguez (no relation) in 1989. Valdes received a record-setting advance of 500,000 Mexican pesos from Hack's Press. "I need to write trashy literature for Hispanic chicks!" "Like a lightning bolt the idea struck me," said Valdes. Valdes claimed that it was late one night while writing an ad for a 250cc Suzuki dirt bike that she realized that her talents were being squandered. She went on to become a writer for the Albuquerque Bargain Trader where she pioneered the use of the abbreviation OBO (Or Best Offer). Before he could even walk the baby elephant man bones exclaimed "I am not an animal!"Īfter becoming an industry pariah and being blackballed by the newspaper industry, Valdes wrote an open letter of apology in which she blamed her pregnancy with the baby elephant man bones for her erratic behavior. Nine months later she gave birth to a baby elephant man skeleton which has since been identified as being extremely gifted. Her successful career there ended when she submitted a 3400-word resignation letter where she admitted that she had been having an affair with a famous resident of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. After finding a suitably malleable specimen with the requisite Hispanic surname, she married him and proceeded to proceeded to dazzle diversity-loving newspapers with her new doubly caliente name "Valdes-Rodriguez." She then allegedly doctored up a resume and obtained work as a columnist for the Los Angeles Times. She quickly started trolling AOL chat rooms for teenage boys. It is believed that Valdes escaped from a sanitorium in 1990. Little is known about the author's teenage years except that she served as a clean-up tech at a veterinary abortion clinic where she practiced the saxophone in her spare time. While in elementary school Valdes distinguished herself as a world champion chicken caller. Bush, a Miami Blogger named Valentin Prieto, Miami Herald writer Lydia Martin, her ex-husband who is a rather handsome man, and the unknown satirist who has created a blog parody of her actual blog in 2006.īorn in 1969, Alisa Valdes grew up on her father's squid farm in Kalamazoo, Michigan. The targets of her rage are usually President George W. ![]() Since her father is a well-known communist squid farmer, those tantrums occur with regularity. ![]() The self important author has exhibited a tendency to succumb to outrageous temper tantrums after she eats calamari. Her works have been described as garbage by every serious reviewer that has read their jackets. Valdes' contributions to the literary field include Dirty Girls Social Club, Playing with Boys, and thinly disguised attacks upon Jennifer Lopez. She is well known for never letting readers of her blog forget either fact. 1969 in Albuquerque, New Mexico), aka Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez, is a best-selling American writer who was named one of Time Magazine's 25 Most Influential Hispanics. For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez.Īlisa Valdes (b. ![]()
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